Death by Chocolate (and other inconspicuous food items)
by side-fish
Summary: Nick tries a chocolate bar. Little did he know that chocolate is poisonous to him, and one health conscious badger is about to show him why. This is Death by Chocolate, a documentary sort of fiction that deals with the dangerous food landscape that is in Zootopia.
1. Chocolate

A/N: So this is something that I've had of an in-depth discussion with a friend of mine. Food is something of an issue that usually gets glossed over in fanfics. And understandably so, food outside of the meat-vegetable divide is almost pointless to go to detail on. But I have read some fanfics where it does scratch my head, usually with Nick drinking this, or Judy eating that. And then you wonder, aren't they poisonous or I'm pretty sure they can kill our beloved main characters.

So with that, I've come up with this documentafic… sorta. It may not be as in-depth but the point of this is to raise awareness… I guess. I've done my share of reading and I have added more food and consumable items for future discussion. Basically, I've given my insight and put my idea on what place do these food items have in Zootopia, if there are any. Feel free to add other food items worth mentioning. Of course, if there are some inaccurate information, do point it out in the review section :).

Chocolate

Nick Wilde's shift was finally over. He stood in front of a vending machine, looking at all the assortment of candy bars like a kit in a candy store. There were the nutty bars, granola bars and all those sweet treats, but the one he looked forward to the most was a blueberry flavored chocolate bar.

"Come to papa." Nick said as he inserted the last coin in the coin slot. He pressed the button that labelled the treat of his choice. The coil that tangled the bar began to unwound until it soon fell down the dispenser.

An audible thud, Nick picked up the chocolate bar, a smile crept on his face. He slowly unwrapped the bar. He slowly opened his mouth as the bar slowly approaches his mouth.

Slowly…

"NNNOOOOO!"

Things seemed to go on slow motion as a foot paw kick the bar out of nick's paws. The chocolate bar flew away as it coincidentally landed unceremoniously in the trash can.

"Hey! I was eat-" A paw met his lips, effectively sealing it. Nick's eyes met with a familiar badger wearing a doctor's coat, the badger shushing him.

"Aren't yo-"

"Hi, I'm Doctor Madge Honey Badger." The badger replied excitedly, but to Nick's confusion, the badger was not facing him at all but something to her right, which there was nothing to look at. "Some of you may remember me as the doctor that assisted Mayor Lionheart from keeping the public from knowing about the predators going savage."

Nick looked to his left and to his right. "Uhm… who are you talking t-"

"But today, I'm going to talk to you about something important. Something that's near and dear to my heart. Food."

Nick was now raising his brow. "Food?"

"Yes, hard-working citizen. Food. You see, food is something that is almost taken for granted in this wonderful society we call Zootopia."

The badger's attention focused on the trash bin that now housed the dislodged chocolate bar. She quickly approached the can and carefully lifted the bar of chocolate.

"This right here, could've killed you."

"A chocolate bar?" Nick asked.

"Oh yes…"

…

 _Did you know that death by chocolate is one the leading causes of death in this city. As a concerned citizen, I once lobbied to have chocolate be labelled as illegal substance a few years ago. Unfortunately, then Mayor Lionheart wanted to appease citizens who enjoyed the tasty treat and since I worked directly under him, well…. Not everyone can enjoy the tasty treat however. The chocolate bar… delicious… sweet… a silent killer, doing its evil work on the inside._

…

Nick looked at the chocolate bar held by Dr. Badger. "Hold up! If chocolate is so dangerous, then why openly display it in…"

"I'm glad you asked. Let me explain by starting off on ancient times… :3"

…

 _It all started back in the primal ages when predator and prey were still primitive. But as we began to evolve and form societies, our habits changed, and so to did our diets. Predators, for example, switched from prey to insects as their primary source of protein. But just because our diets change, does not mean our bodies immediately adapt to those changes. Evolution, after all, is an… evolutionary step. We've possibly developed more tolerance to certain foods, but we're not yet in stage where we can share the same food with different species. Evolution is constant. We are in a state of constant adjustment._

 _Now back to the topic on paw. Chocolate contains the chemical theobromine which cannot be digestively processed by a number of animals in Zootopia. These furry animals include but are not limited to vulpine creatures, lupine creatures, feline creatures, and so on. Even mustelids such as myself are at risk._

…

The badger slowly approached Nick's long ear. "Chocolate is even poisonous to your bunny friend." She whispered. "Which begs the question, chocolate bunnies? What's up with that?"

"Seriously, are you… stalking me?" Nick was beginning to be spooked by her.

"No… I've been hiding in the trash can. You flirt a lot with the bunny." Madge replied.

Nick was slowly walking backwards, away from the badger until he reached an intersecting corridor. He slowly walked until he was out of view of the badger. The sound of the rush of pitter-patter of paw steps could be heard soon after.

"I suppose we can continue without the fox. Shall we?" The badger gave a huge grin.

…

 _Theobromine poisoning is a serious complication arising from the consumption of chocolate. Thankfully, our hospitals are equipped with filtering machines that isolates the compound and removes it from the mammal host._

 _The process is similar to dialysis._

 _Now some of you may ask. If theobromine is so dangerous, why not just remove the compound from chocolate?_

 _That's a good question, but that would like asking to remove a vital organ from a mammal. Harvesting theobromine usually involves destroying the chocolate through various processes. A quick search at Zoogle would reveal the process to be tedious, but easily done in a lab. (See "Determination of Theobromine in Cocoa Residues")_

…

"Some food items are safe for consumption by some animals, while some are unsafe. The food industry in Zootopia can be a tricky thing, a juggling act that is just as important as the social issues of the predator-prey divide."

Madge holds a white chocolate bar clear to view and points to a label at the back of the wrapper. "It's important to check the label at the back to see if the food item is safe for consumption for your species." She then takes a bite off the chocolate bar.

"Wait a minute?" The badger looks to see Nick return. "I thought you said that chocolate was dangerous."

The badger chewed and swallowed. She did so, while nodding to the red fox. "I did, but not all chocolate are made equal."

…

 _As you know, there are three common kinds of chocolate that you usually see in your stores. Dark chocolate contains more theobromine than milk chocolate and is therefore very toxic to mammals like us. A rule of thumb for chocolate is that the darker the chocolate, the more theobromine it contains. That's because dark chocolate and milk chocolate have cocoa in them._

 _That said, white chocolate is a whole other story. White chocolate contains near zero theobromine content if not at all and is therefore safe for consumption to mammals such as ourselves. In fact some would argue that white chocolate isn't chocolate at all. White chocolate's main ingredient is cocoa butter, which contains trace amounts of theobromine. But does it matter? It's delicious, sweet, but definitely no silent killer._

…

"So in the grand scheme of things, there is a silver lining to everything. Who says we can't have our chocolate and eat it too?"

"Oookay? I'm pretty sure that's not what the guy meant when he said that." Nick replied.

"Hey Nick!"

Nick turned to see Judy coming towards him.

"What are you doing standing all by your lonesome?" Judy asked.

"My lonesome? I thought you bunnies have good eyesight. I'm with Dr. Badg-" Nick looked back in disbelief to see that the badger he was talking with just disappeared.

"You were saying?" Asked Judy.

"Uhm… Nevermind. So what brings you here, Fluff?" Nick asked.

"My stomach's a little empty. Thought I could maybe buy a candy bar."

Nick could have sworn that the trash can moved. Slowly, he noticed the small head of the badger emerge slightly from the bin, her eyes glaring at the fox. The fox gulped. "Uhmmm… try the white chocolate one." Nick suggested. "I hear it's… pretty safe." Nick added.

"Oookay." Judy inserted the change needed to secure the chocolate treat. The dessert fell down at the dispenser. It was a chocolate egg. Basically chocolate housed in a plastic shell. Judy popped the shell. "Hmm… it's a chocolate bunny."

"What will they think of next?" The fox replied.

…

The badger looks to the fox and rabbit by the candy bar vending machine, smiling that she's done her part in educating the public.

"Now that was a successful orientation to that law-abiding fox. On our next chapter, we'll discuss another food item that is also the cause of confusion that's led to many deaths and near deaths. I'm talking to you… coffee. Once again, this is Dr. Madge Honey Badger, doctor and concerned citizen, signing off."


	2. Coffee

A/N: So it's been a while. Yeah, I guess I dropped the ball on updating. Let's just say something important got in the way of things. What can I say? Real life does that to you. Anyway, I'm really amazed with the feedback I've gotten. I honestly was not expecting this amount of feedback since I was sorta after a non-serious comedy-ish like story, but it warms my heart. Anyway, without further ado, here's chapter 2. Enjoy :).

* * *

Coffee

Nick was slowly waking up. Only this time, he was not feeling good about it. His memory seemed fuzzy, but his vision was finally returning. He could hear the hum of a machine to his right, while his vision was good enough to see that he was in a sterile environment. He was able to put two and two together. He was in a hospital.

The other important thing he noticed was Judy at her bedside. She sat on a chair, but her head seemed to have rested on the side. The moving eyeballs behind closed eyelids indicated she was in a deep sleep which seemed to have been broken with her head stirring at the slight motion of the fox. Her eyes opened immediately at the sight of the slightly agitated fox.

"Nick, you're awake." Judy smiled.

"Carrots…" Nick replied weakly. "What happened to me?"

"Coffee poisoning."

The fox and the bunny looked at the doctor before them. The bunny looked confused, but the fox immediately recoiled in fear.

"Y-you!"

"Yes. Me. Dr. Madge Honey Badger." The badger smiled.

"Wait, Nick. Isn't she… Aren't you the doctor who was with Lionheart?"

The badger continued her smile with several nodes.

"But… you know what, forget about it." Judy decided to go back on topic. "So… coffee poisoning?"

"That's right. Mr. Wilde suffered a severe case of caffeine poisoning." Dr. Badger then pulls down a chart seemingly out of nowhere. "As you can see, coffee is poisonous to most mammals, including but not limited to vulpine creatures, lupine creatures, feline creatures, mustelids and so on…"

The doctor carefully approached Nick's side. "Sounds familiar doesn't it?" She whispered.

"Judy! She's the one I was telling you about. The one that's talking to some random wall for some reason."

"Oh, I wasn't talking to some fourth wall. There was a camera there." The badger looks to the bunny cop. "Don't worry. We don't have cameras here. As a doctor, I take doctor-patient confidentiality seriously." Madge replied reassuringly.

The doctor was near Nick's ear once more. "I shared it to your furbook. It already has a thousand likes." She whispered again.

"Woman! How are we friends in furbook?"

"You know everybody." Madge looked at Judy. "He knows everybody."

"She got you there, Slick. Doctor, is my partner going to be alright?" Judy asked.

"Well… allow me to explain."

…

Our ancestors are actually intolerant to a lot of things. Caffeine is just one of those substances our bodies can't process. Consumption of this deathly liquid known as coffee can lead to a build-up of caffeine in our bodies. The only way to filter this is by dialysis.

…

"Which explains this machine on your side. It's specifically designed to remove caffeine and my God, did we remove a lot of them. With the amount of caffeine we got out of you, it's a wonder you're still alive, Mr. Wilde." Suddenly, the badger looks to Judy suspiciously, narrowing her eyes with a question to follow. "By any chance, you're not drinking coffee, are you?"

"Oh no. No. That's just Nick. I'm a tea kind of animal."

Madge maintained her narrow stare. "What kind…?"

She did not know why, but the bunny was starting to get a bit nervous. "White… tea?" She asked with less confidence than usual.

Madge shifted to a more relaxed and delightful look. "Well aren't you the health-conscious animal. Tea has less way less caffeine." Madge looks at the fox. "And theobromine." She winks, giving the fox an awkward vibe. "Which I would say is pretty safe for consumption." Her face returned to her more serious look. "Just don't overdo it."

"Look, Miss health police." Nick started. "This is ridiculous. Is there anything we can eat or drink that won't kill us?" He ranted.

The badger raised her paw and lifted her index finger. "Water." The badger then removed a notepad out of her pocket and began scribbling some notes. "I'm glad to tell you that we've filtered most of the caffeine in your system. In fact, you'll be healthier than your bunny friend… in terms of caffeine at least, but I'm afraid you're gonna have to cut down on the caffeine. That means no more coffee."

The words seemed to stab Nick through the heart. Nick loved his coffee. He could not imagine life without it. Not having coffee is like the end of the world. A wise person once said that coffee is one of the miracles of the world.

"Only a fool would drink something that's not good for him."

Nick looked to the side to see the doctor badger whispering beside her ear again. "Can you like read my mind?" He asked, seemingly numb at the revelation of parting with his past-time drink.

"There there. I know it's hard to make big changes like this." Madge tore a sheet of his notepad. "I've written some alternatives in this prescription paper."

Nick looked at the paper with less enthusiasm. "Alternatives to coffee. Number 1, decaf. End list." He read. "Great. This is just great."

"You know, Nick. If you want, I can share some of my tea with you." The bunny looks at the badge as if looking for some kind of approval.

The badger smiled. "Now there's an idea. Just with moderation though."

The badger and the bunny continued their discussion, discussing things like Nick being invited to tea parties, or afternoon tea times, and such. Nick still seemed to be in disbelief. Time seemed to slow and Nick seemed to be disconnecting himself in reality as things start to get blurry. The words no more coffee with Madge's voice replaying in his head.

* * *

Weeks later…

In a Snarlbucks somewhere in downtown Zootopia, Nick and Judy were having there mid-afternoon coffee non-coffee break sessions. Nick looked at the styrofoam cup of decaf on top of the table, but not before looking around his surroundings. He'd been doing it a lot more often after his release from the hospital. Somehow, he realized that those around him, the tiger, the two wolves behind him, the lion, the badger most of them where in fact drinking decaf. It was not that he could see it, but he could smell them. Why on earth make a coffee shop where your main product isn't even coffee? He though- wait a minute, did he just say a badger.

Nick looked at his far right to see someone holding a newspaper from another table. The newspaper slowly lowered until it revealed the eyes of a familiar badger.

"Everything alright, Nick?"

Nick looked at the bunny he shared the table with. He briefly looked back at the badger's table only to find she was not there anymore.

"Nick?" The bunny asked.

The fox seemed on edge. He took deep breaths to calm himself, then lifted the cup of decaf and drank its contents. Once finished, he put the styro cup back on the table and tried to muster a smile. "Never better."

* * *

Back at Badger M.D.'s office…

Another lesson learned. For our next chapter, we'll be discussing another substance that is not only heavily circulated in the streets of Zootopia, but is also toxic to some of its fellow citizens: Alcohol. Once again, this is Dr. Madge Honey Badger, doctor and concerned citizen, signing off.


	3. Alcohol

A/N: I'm gonna be quick about this, but I'm glad I was able to release this a bit sooner. Anyway, enjoy.

* * *

Alcohol

In a local pub not far from the police station, Nick and Judy and a few other guys at the station celebrated as Precinct 1 was once again declared the best precinct in the city. Unfortunately, Chief Bogo could not make it. His loss. Just means the party's gonna get wilder.

Fangmeyer stood up, holding high a glass of beer. "Guys, I just want to give a shout-out to Hopps and Wilde. Precinct 1 has always preserved its prestige of being the most effective precinct in the city, but these two have taken things to a whole new level." The white wolf looks to the pair. "I swear, I've never seen the chief take a day-off, but you guys somehow made it possible."

"All in a day's work, Fang." Nick responded with his confident smirk.

"I'll drink to that." Fangmeyer started drinking from his mug, the others soon followed.

Nick happily drunk his beer. He needed it. His new diet had been rather bland as of late. He did tell his partner that he was a little disturbed by the two previous appearances of the doctor. It was funny because, as an officer, he had every tool in his disposal to keep a stalker away. But was she a stalker? The first time maybe but there had to be more than one occurrence. The second, he was in the hospital and she just happened to be the doctor. He had not seen her since but the encounters spooked him enough to change his diet. And after all the blandness, he was happy to have the taste of something bitter in his mouth. He was a few drinks in when he heard the voice that he's dreaded.

"I didn't know you come here, Officer Wilde."

Beer shot out of his nose as he faced once again the sight of the infamous Dr. Madge Honey Badger sitting from an adjacent table. The badger was just smiling with her own mug.

"You!" Nick said out loud, which caught the attention of her partner.

"Dr. Badger, this is an unusual surprise." The bunny replied.

The fox, who seemed to suddenly turn emotional, went to approach the doctor.

Surprised by the sudden motion of his partner, he followed his partner, but not before approaching his fellow officers. "Fang, you'll have to excuse us, we'll be right back."

Judy followed after Nick, who was already at the table.

"Why are you here?" He asked with a raised voice.

"I always come here." Madge replied, her smile not faltering despite the obvious tension.

Judy soon came into the scene. "Dr. Madge, I don't know if you're aware, but we can have the court issue a temporary restraining order against you."

"What? Are you here to tell me beer isn't good for me too?" Nick replied.

"It is when your nose is bleeding."

"Har har har. Is this a joke?"

Judy looked to his partner, her eyes widened in surprise. "Actually, she's right. Your nose is bleeding."

Nick rubbed his nose with his paw to see that blood was in-fact dripping out of his nose. "What the?"

"Relax, kid. Alcohol usually tends to do that. It makes the blood vessels on your nose dilate and reduce your blood's platelet count, the part of the blood responsible for clotting. Maybe you shouldn't blow it out your nose next time."

At this moment, both Nick and Judy turned to the rodent beside Madge, which they had not noticed until now. He had a tiny gray coat and a cane.

"Who are you?" Judy asked.

"Oh, this is my friend, Dr. Gregory Mouse of Rodentia-Savannah Teaching Hospital." The badger introduced.

"I'd offer my hand for a handshake, but it's too small for the both of you two lovebirds."

"Excuse me." Judy responded defensively. "W-we're not-"

"You're giving off that scent. It's a scent that I usually associate with attraction. The fox is also giving doing it as well. The most interesting part is when these two scents mix. It almost produces something that tastes… sweet."

"Uhm… taste?" Nick asked.

"Smell is a very important part of taste. Without smell, it's hard to distinguish say coffee from tea." Madge explained.

"Carrots and…" He sniffed once more. "Blueberries."

At this moment, both Nick and Judy felt a blush forming in their cheeks.

"Isn't that adorable? They're blushing." Mouse replied.

"Alcohol tends to make you do that as well." Madge replied. "Speaking of which, since we are in the subject of alcohol and everything…"

…

You may wonder about the occurrence of bars and pubs in and around the city. This is strange considering that alcohol is toxic to a significant portion of mammals. You might wonder how such a liquid became possible if it was so deadly. Well, as with most stuff that's dangerous to most mammals such as chocolate and coffee, alcohol is not a Zootopian ingenuity.

We have the immigrants to thank for that

But that's not to say they are a bad influence, Mouse.

I never said they were a bad influence. In fact, I think they're a Godsend.

Alcohol use was becoming out of paw. Mammals were getting sick. And so, a prohibition was in effect at the turn of the last century. The prohibition made sure that the mammals were kept away from the dangerous liquids. Alcohol became an illicit substance.

But that's just the thing. You can't separate your average drinking mammal apart from his favorite alcohol. And so, the underground trade grew. The funny thing about it is that even the politicians were in to it, while the cops protected the trade.

…

"But that wasn't in the history books." Judy argued in an attempt to defend the proud organization she serves.

"It isn't. That certain part of history of the ZPD was never recorded on the fact that it was never official, but everyone was in on the secret. Isn't that right Officer Wilde?"

Judy looked at Nick who seemed to feel uncomfortable having the burden of explaining the city's dark secrets. "My dad used to tell me stories of mammals creating underground tunnels to smuggle the alcohol inside. There's even secret underground pubs."

"Yep, Zootopia's finest wasn't all that straight." Mouse explained. "But back to the topic."

…

The mayor, in all his good wisdom, realized that the prohibition was ineffective, and with that, repealed the short-lived law, making alcohol legal again. However, it would only be legal once they've found a way to lower its toxicity. And so, doctors, scientists, food nutritionists have combined their knowledge and efforts to do just that.

…

"And thus, the birth of light alcoholic beverages."

"Wait a minute." Nick replied in shock. "Let me get this straight. You're telling me we've been drinking light beer the entire time since forever?"

The badger nodded with her trademark grin. "Yep." She held back her mug of the gold liquid and started gulping. "Which is why I'm not gonna stop you from drinking your beer."

"I'm afraid, that is the true secret of alcohol. When it was legalized, mammals didn't assume something would change. Unfortunately, you can't find the hard stuff unless you request for it, with the permits and everything. Customs can be brutal." Mouse explained.

"You know what." Nick replied exhaustively. "I think I'm gonna hit the hay. I just lost my party spirit." Nick began walking back to the main group of police officers, explaining that he had to leave early. "Carrots, you comin'?"

Judy nodded and left without a word.

"Good bye officers." Madge replied cheerily, waving a goodbye to the two.

They were finally out of view, leaving the badger and the mouse together. "So, Mouse…" The badger started. "How's Dr. Lisa Cuddly?"

* * *

A/N: Something I need to add, it may be unclear how toxic alcohol is to animals. It's very hard to get a result on google. However, I did read that you can't let your cats and dogs drink alcohol, so it most likely follows with animals related to felines and canids.

Anyway,I hope you guys enjoyed the update. Hopefully, you guys got the Mouse reference ;). I wish I could make him a little more wittier. I'm contemplating if I should do a fanfic base on it, but it's just a thought for now.


End file.
